It's happened again.
Every day, wherever I go I'll stop to scribble notes on pocketed scraps of paper and every six months or so I'll find myself at the bottom of a self-made mountain.
At the moment I've got so many huge projects on the go that I've all but lost track of where I'm going.
Ideas. Half finished tracks. Piles of scrap paper. Scrawled, illegible edits.
Dozens of beats and bits of music I've made that I can't decide which words to match with.
Lost or forgotten songs. I need to organise and my mind just rattles on and on and on and on...
It's overwhelming and I'm at a loss where to start.
I Lose sleep. I feel I should get up and get on with things before I finally go insane.
When it gets on top of me I get frustrated and just sit vacantly in the attic "picking" at piles of half-made material. It's daunting. Mostly I sit and scratch for an hour merely for a distraction and then get pissed with myself that I haven't really moved forward with anything tangible.
This is what I have currently on the go...
-The "Epitaphs" LP
- A kind of battle LP
- A sort of burlesque EP
- an old UK Hip Hop version of "Reasons"
- Two hyper serious tracks
- A new "Lost and found" instrumental LP
- And two new complete Live shows.... Headaches!!!
I don't know why I feel I have to explain my output and yet it feels better to put it down here.
At least now I can actually look at what I have in front of me.
It's not a "Writers Block" - kind of a twisted opposite. It's that I try to do too much at the same time and eventually the funnel is bound to block.
I don't know why I let it get to me.
I used to be the same about painting. If I didn't produce something each day I'd almost feel physically sick.
It's an odd and unfathomable feeling when ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter.
I do all this for myself and will mostly give it all away as downloads anyway.
Plus a lot of it wont be to everyones taste.
So why do I care when it all gets done?
I have no clue. There's no monetary incentive that's for sure.
I don't feel I have to or even care to prove myself anymore. I just want to keep pushing myself and share the results with whoever wants to listen. I haven't been slacking. Quite the opposite.
Sorry for the rant - I'm at work and this is what happens.
There's always fire. Stay tuned.