Thought I'd be nice and clear some of the cool but mostly nostalgic crap I've accidentally been clogging up Rachel's hard-drive with over the past few months or so.
I'll probably go into nerd mode here - just tune out if that happens.
Woo! Let's have a look then shall we?
First up is this UK Serial Killer yarn from 1970....
...hey check it out.
"As powerful as a vat of BOILING acid"
Acid you say?
What IS this?
I want it BOILING!!!!
Yeah, that's the stuff....
....This one's a poster for Bird with the Crystal Plumage
I hadn't seen this artwork before - pretty cool....
...More UK nuttiness from Hammer 1971 styleeeee....
....Seriously? You'd watch that right? Great poster and marketing genius. So many of these flicks had awesome covers like this that drew you in like fly to poop. It's so rare that the film lived up to the artwork.
It's a THROAT CUTTING ORGY GARNISHED WITH SEX CHANGE PARSLEY.
Yet utter gash.
I totally admit that I know sod all about this one but come on...
"THE IGUANA WITH THE TONGUE OF FIRE"
As if you don't want to see this one?
It's 1971, it's vaguely gory, it'll have boobs and it's a Giallo.
That'll do me.
And now for this.....
My first encounter with this flick was in the back of Mum's VHS rental shop when I was I don't even know. I'll say 13 but that's probably completely wrong one way or the other.
I seem to remember having exhausted all the Horror on the shelves and I was digging through the racks of tapes out the back.
All of these were lined up with the catalog number stickers on display.
Rows of my Mum's handwriting on the mountain of black tapes.
I used to be fascinated with tape when I was a kid and I remember watching my dad splice together snapped VHS in the living room where a customer had a dodgy player that liked to eat 'em.
I remember pulling this one out and getting a little excited at the label - bright yellow and all it said was MANIAC in bold black. That was it - just the title and the Intervision logo (ahhhhhh...).
I never saw the cover in the shop.
Mum might have been worried it'd get raided but considering some of the other stuff she had proudly displayed and daring you to rent it...I doubt it.
So I don't know if it was this censored cover or the more famous one with the scalp and the er...that other thing that we had. Never found it.
Anyhow - I love this film.
Joe Spinell KILLS IT (quite literally) in this.
Apparently Spinell was somewhat of a method actor and would disappear at the end of each shoot and not show up again until the minute he was needed to be on camera again - sometimes for days at a time.
Nobody really knew where he was either. He would literally live the lifestyle of the character, was continuously intoxicated one way or another, would mumble and groan to himself most of the time (the stuff in the film, even the long monologues are mainly ad libbed) and even designed a good deal of the sketchy "props" that decorate his flat!
Add to that the fact that Tom Savini did all the effects (one of his best "gore" efforts beside Day of the Dead in my opinion), plays a sleazy guy and even takes a shotgun to his own fake head (Savini had to shoot "himself" whilst dressed as the maniac to get the effect right)...
Basically a big yes.
They are currently doing a remake.
Normally it doesn't faze me much but this one makes me spew.
Get ready for a big budget CGI, family friendly, pretty teen shit-fest.
Know who's replacing Spinell? That fresh faced fopp from Lord of the sodding Rings!
I don't even know his name but come on.... everyone in it looks like they just feel out of GLEE.
If they want to do a maniac inspired flick - fine.
Just why not call it something else.
Spinell's health went downhill rapidly after completion of this film and some speculate that he never quite recovered from all that he immersed himself in whilst filming.
Extremely sad to say the least and a huge talent lost but Christ almighty - that's some dedication.
And a lot to live up to Mr Frodo or whoever the piss you are....
That was a little serious perhaps....moving on!
"He wanted them to do everything"
MAKE ME A SANDWICH!
Great little not-so-great Italian EXOCIST rip-off...
I liked it when I was a little man.
BAY OF BLOOD
This was in the shop.
I'm amazed it was still on the shelf.
One of the most memorable covers for me.
I'd like to see them try to pitch this one today...
"Yeah, right so er, what we're thinking is getting a girl and whipping her up a bit...you know, just 'til she bleeds.. then we're going to sorta crucify her...oh but upside down so we don't offend anyone...no of course she wont be naked, she'll have a thong on...we're going to make the Holocaust super sexy"....
I remember seeing this on an all night BBC 2 Halloween special.
Inbred cannibals living in the tube tunnels. Woo!
Great sleazy intro in early 70's Soho with an equally great bit of music.
Never seen this poster before and god knows what it's all about - almost nothing to do with the film!
Never seen it but GAWD DAAYUM!!!
And then there's this....(!)
Have you ever cast your vile and sinning peepers over anything so downright WRONG?
It's best just to leave that one there I think....
Right then - this one I have a little soft spot for.
If you've seen it you're probably wondering why.
I "found" a Betamax (yep) copy of this in my Dad's desk when I was super young and the cover scared the crap out of me. I remember putting the opening sequence on and switching it off until I got the nerve to continue. Then the tape disappeared for good. No fair.
But yeah, I've got it now and I have to admit that yes, it's completely woeful.
Having said that there's a few pretty cool bits.
Some of the Zombies are sort of creepy (maggots and all - Euro Zombies always ruled) and the shots of the dead Nazis shambling over the dunes are a bit spooky. Sort of?
Plus the two girls at the beginning? Ha!
Acting? Of course you are - verrrry good.
There's so much to say about those two "hot" chicks it's untrue! Maybe later.
That could be amusing...for me at least.
Here's some more Dead Nazi's in an equally rubbish film....
Don't care how crap the movie is - the artwork is amazing!
I'm a massive decapitated dead Nazi and you can't see me...
Take a swim you hot little leaf-genitalled thing you.
Speaking of nudie swim zombies...
Oh my lord - THE ALIEN DEAD
This is surely one of the worst on here so far.
Another one that I "found" in the racks devoid of cover.
This was so bad it's untrue.
The Zombies (about 5 that repeat throughout) were obviously made up by a blind and/or limbless Mum using a box of crayons and a bucket of mud.
There's a bit where a girl actually laughs as she's attacked and "bitten" (gummed) by the the supposedly undead. And when I say bitten what actually happens is the guy dribbles fake blood onto her shoulder - in very, very slow motion...which obviously adds to the dynamic nature of the scene.
This one was in the shop and this was the cover that we had on the shelf.
i have it downstairs and it's rubbish.
I watched it again while Rachel was wrapping up Christmas presents and she hates me for it.
It's total gash but entertaining nonetheless.
Completely over the top and ridiculous gore, insane dialogue, terrible dubbing, a swat team member in a Tutu, impromptu and pointless nudity and a rat (mouse) that kills a lab technician by what looks like turning into a water pistol and squirting blood at his face.
I'm clearly bored.